At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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