chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
