I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
