i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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