Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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