i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
