I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Jerry, you need to find god
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
