I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
