is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
