New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
