areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
