even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
