I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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