Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
