Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
