I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
