Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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