my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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