I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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