It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
