not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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