I bet he comes in French.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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