Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
