Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
