I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
did i walk over a car last night?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
