Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
