I wish I could teleport
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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