I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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