I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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