The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
