Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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