Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize