yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
