I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
