I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
