what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
