Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I am naked and annoyed.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
