Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
