The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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