omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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