I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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