Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I enjoy the company of your penis
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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