Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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