His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
