For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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