You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
