never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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