Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
