Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
