i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The air was thick with penises
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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