is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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