stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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