just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
