i was rollin on her like bob the builder
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
