his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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