I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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