Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
