trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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