All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
