8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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