I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
