I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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