Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
