Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
