Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
