Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
