so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
