I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize