Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
