don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
