I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize