I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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