there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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