i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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