EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
