Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
